Fruit Cakes
by CrazyMonkeyGangster
Summary: wow what a story this is Tenchi has a Cousin where was I? please R


I do not own tenchi muyo… I do own however Li, Germ and Charlie. Trin is owned by my co authour ace-turtle.

So that is that

Fruit Cakes

(A story of Li Masaki's untypical day)

"LI! Get in here now!" Ayeka and Ryoko's voices split the up until now beautifully calm day. "Great" Li thought to himself as his fishing was so rudely interrupted, "Just what I need" he said aloud, he glanced at Trin his younger cousin who shook his head slowly. 

"Yes Ayeka, Ryoko, what happened now?" Li asked innocently

"You happened ya little weed." Ryoko spat "Just look what you did to my pearl necklace" the necklace was soaking in paint "hmm how nice" Li said "definitely a fine piece of vandalism, unfortunately not my work" Ryoko just look puzzled

"You didn't do this" Ryoko gasped "then who did" Ayeka finally had a say in her destruction of property and shoved Ryoko out of the way 

"Now Li" she said in mock politeness "do you know where my wedding ring ran off too." Ayeka and Tenchi had been married for a year now and their anniversary was coming up.

"No." Li said bluntly "I don't, now if you will excuse me for a moment." Li said, "I have some fishing to do" 

"Ooh" they both thought if they could just get him caught in the act then he'd be a cooked goose, "especially with Tenchi" Ayeka thought sinisterly.

Meanwhile back at the lake Tenchi and Mayuka had just pulled into the driveway after a trip to the zoo. "Unky Li, Unky Li" Mayuka yelled excitedly from the van. 

"Hey sweetheart" Li said picking up his four year old niece " Was she good" Li asked Tenchi.

"Oh yeah" Tenchi said "Like always" Mayuka was now out of Li's arms running towards the house "Mommy, Mommy" she was yelling excitedly.

" Must be hard raising a family" Li said 

" It is" Tenchi replied. Tenchi then went back inside while Li went for a hike in the woods. After a while Li noticed an unseen presence "Uh oh" Li thought suddenly "Ryoko" just then Ryoko glomped right on him "Hey Li" she said seductively "why don't we go to a more private area of the woods" she whispered right into his ear,

"Gee Ryoko" Li said sarcastically " I thought you were mad at me" This didn't give Li the desired effect he wanted and that was making her go away. "Ah Li, I could never stay mad at you" she stated. 

"Really? Weren't you the one threatening to rip my spine out of my body this morning" Li stated with a hint of his usual sarcasm. 

"Oh Li you're silly" she said, then unexpectedly she kissed him, he could feel her tongue enter his mouth. 

"Oh god!" Li yelled and pushed her off of him but unfortunately in this act Li lost his balance and went tumbling down the temple steps

"OWWW. My spine" Li said in the utmost agony he could muster.

After about a week of I.C.U in Washus lab Li was glad to get out and back into the world. Unfortunately Li's friends Germ, Charlie and Trin heard about his little romance with Ryoko.

"Well Li was she good," Trin asked evilly. Back in the compound Li and Washu built for the guys and himself.

"Ah go fuck a mule Trin" Li shot back grabbing a beer.

"No, No Li we're quite curious" Germ smirked Li's Guyver unit flashed at his forehead a nifty little scare tactic he learned to perfect at Ayeka's wedding, he used this on Kiyone's new boyfriend Mastir Seregy. Kiyone and him broke up a year ago and Li was just fine with that, he enjoyed single life more than having a girlfriend.

"Yeah Li," Charlie stated "how was it". "That's It!" Li Yelled and started chasing Charlie around bopping him on the head. Soon the excitement wore down an the guys started to watch some TV 

"I love this show" Li said sipping his beer contently 

"Yeah real quality" Trin agreed as they watched Tom and Jerry beating the crap out of each other. Just then there was a knocked on the door, " I got it" Li said as Tenchi stood looking quite uncomfortable in the compound "Oh hi Tenchi" Li said, "What's up?"

"Uh Li" Tenchi asked " Me and Ayeka are going out tonight for our anniversary and I was wondering if you could watch Mayuka for the night." Tenchi now looked really uncomfortable after Li shot him an accusing look "Normally I wouldn't ask but Sasami is going out with friends tonight and I'm desperate" Li reluctantly agreed.

"Bad news men" Li said "Kid duty tonight" every one in the compound moaned except for Li.

"Ah Li, we were going to the movies tonight remember" Trin whined "Yeah I agree with Trin why can't your new girlfriend watch her Li?" Germ asked smirking 

"Shut up Germ" Li said "If I recall didn't you have a crush on her a few years back" at this everyone laughed except Germ, "That wasn't funny Li" Germ moped. 

Later that night Tenchi dropped off Mayuka at the compound "Now you be good for Uncle Li Mayuka" Tenchi said

"Oh I will daddy" Mayuka assured him by giving him a kiss on the forehead. Li just sat in his green chair, which was nicked named the 'Throne' 

"Ok Mayuka what do ya want to do tonight" Li asked 

"Let's play tag!" She said excitedly 

"Tag" Trin muttered to Li "how exciting" 

"Shut up" He whispered back to Trin "just look and Germ and Charlie, they're enjoying themselves with her" Germ and Charlie were running and dodging out of Mayuka who was it. Finally about 8:00 PM Mayuka finally fell asleep, Li put her in bed while the gang barbecued some duck for dinner. "Hmm, duck" Li said sniffing the air "My favorite" after a while the guys finally started on the duck which was marinated in Russian vodka and coated lightly in a cherry/ habanyero sauce. After the duck was consumed the guys finally hit the sack.

The next morning Tenchi finally came to pick up Mayuka when he entered the compound what he saw made him laugh. The entire group of guys were sprawled out on the chairs and the TV was blaring.

"Hey guys!" Tenchi yelled 

"SHUT UP MA!" Li yelled back half asleep half awake "Oh jeez, sorry man uh she's back in the room"

"Thanks, hey what do owe I ya" Tenchi asked. After the guys had collected the $10.50 from Tenchi the day returned back to normal. Li and the guys decided to go on a road trip, as they were getting the car ready Mihoshi ran out of the house.

"Where ya goin'" she asked in her stupid little way

"Someplace" Trin answered quickly

"Can I come?" She asked 

"NO!" Every one yelled back. Just then Li realized something

"Hey Mihoshi what are you doing here?" Li asked 

"Visiting the house with Kiyone" she answered back. 

"Great" Li thought to himself "Kiyone and that stupid Jurian". 

The guys had to go back into the house to go get some supplies i.e. Beer, food, money and a map, Trin had food duty, Germ had beer duty, Charlie had money duty and Li had map duty.

"All right men" Li announced "spread out". Inside the house Sasami was cooking lunch when Trin snuck inside (he wasn't allowed in the kitchen after a little mishap that will remain nameless) Sasami was preparing some flour for dough of some sort we don't know any way back to the fan fic. 

"One cup flour" Sasami inspected " perfect"

"HI SASAMI" Trin shouted unexpectedly which made Sasami cover herself in flour, 

"Ooh what's this, and that and this and that." Trin stopped at the juice maker, which unluckily his loose necktie was in the nozzle and he turned it on. 

"HELP, HELP, I'M BEING EATN ALIVE!" he screamed then the juice maker stopped (Sasami had unplugged it) 

"What have I told you about being in the kitchen!" Sasami yelled angrily 

" To not" Trin answered back air headily 

"And what to we do" Sasami pressed obviously pissed 

"Uh leave" Trin answered 

"Mmh hmm" she said

"Ha Okay" and Trin just stood there blinking stupidly 

"NOW!" she yelled, Trin ran out into the dinning room where he was faced with Kiyone and Mastir "Trouble in the kitchen Trin?" she smirked 

"No" he shot back "horny little bitch" he muttered under his breath, unfortunately Kiyone heard this. 

"What did you say?!" Kiyone yelled,

"Oh nothing" Trin said back and ran out of the house as fast as he could,

"Where's the food?" Li asked 

"Heh…heh" Trin giggled

"You forgot didn't you?" 

"Yeah" Trin said guiltily 

"You idiot, I'll have to get it myself". Li walked towards the house muttering about if you want something done right you have to do it your self. When he entered the house he was greeted by an unfriendly pair of people. Kiyone and Mastir, Li having a great sense of self control ignored the remarks about not being able to hold down a job, stuff like that, just then Mastir made a remark that really got Li pissed. Mastir dissed on his cooking, now normally Li was a calm and coordinated person but there were occasions when his anger got the best of him

"You have insulted my honor sah" Li said with a southern accent "I challenge you to a duel, fisticuffs at dawn" 

"Very well I accept" Mastir said honorably.

"Well now I wasn't expecting that, oh well" Li said, "Prepare to be crushed like a bug"

The next few hours went on with out a hitch except for the fact that Germ and Charlie decided to invent super, super, super glue. And in the process they blew up half of Washus lab, Trin decided it would be funny to feed ryo-ohki to Li's cat Mr. Chubbikins. Also Li and Tenchi got into a fight about what's better a Guyver or the Lighthawk-Wings and Li destroyed Tenchi's room in a fit of rage. Dinner was its usual Ryoko and Ayeka got in a fight about some stupid shit and Li had to break it up because. Tenchi as Li once said to Trin "Don't got the balls to stand up to women", later that night all the men of the house (including Tenchi) went out to bar hop, where they stopped at a bar known as the goat.

"Hey this is a nice place" Tenchi observed,

"Yeah" Germ replied from the pool table "Hey Tenchi, what time did Ayeka say you had to be home?"

"Midnight, why" Tenchi asked puzzled

"'Cause it's one right now," Charlie said,

"OH SHIT!" Tenchi screamed "who's got the car keys?" 

"Li does" Trin said casually "Why?"

"Cause I'm an hour late from being home and Ayeka's gonna kill me" Tenchi answered panicky

"Ah Trouble with the Missus eh Goveneh" Trin said with a cockney accent 

"Shut up Trin" Tenchi shot, 

"Okay, Okay" Li announced "Germ, take Tenchi home" as Li threw him the keys to the car "everyone else the night is young"

About three a.m. the all the guys except for Germ and Tenchi snuck into the Masaki house

"This plan sucks Li I ain't goin' in" Trin said

"Ya will to or I'll tell Sasami you spent her food money" Li said back

"Alright, alright you boss me around" Trin moped, and he snuck inside, about five minutes later the guys sniggered as they heard Sasami chewing out Trin

"Trin, what did you think you were doing going out that late?" Sasami scolded

"I'm sorry Sasami I just got pressured that's all" Trin pleaded

"Oh, that's your excuse for everything" Sasami said "and you didn't get my groceries" 

"Oops" that was all Trin could say, Later that night Trin loped into the compound mumbling to himself, 

"Got into Trouble huh Trin" Charlie smirked

"Yeah" Trin answered weekly

"Ah it ain't that bad, after all she thinks your dating her" Li mumbled,

The next morning was the morning of the duel; it was an exciting morning for the Masaki houses hold every one was bustling with excitement especially the guys

"Ah you'll kill the poor bastard Li" Trin said encouragingly 

"Yeah Trin's right" Charlie cheered as Li entered the fighting circle that Yosho had prepared the day before. After about an hour and a half of waiting Mastir finally entered the ring with cheers from the girls 

"Lets just get done quickly boy" Mastir spat "I have a previous engagement"

"Okee dokee" Li said and activated his Guyver, Mastir just stared in awe as the Guyver entered the ring

"He's dead" Ryoko muttered.

"Before we start, I choose a new person to fight for me and that person is Trin" Li said, at this Trin dropped to the ground 

"Me Li" Trin gasped 

"Yup" Li said

"But I'm a lover not a fighter" Trin begged

"No you're not" Li said, "besides do it for your girl friend up there" Li pointed to Sasami.

"I'll fight ya damn razz frazz" Trin muttered as he entered the ring "All right Mastir I don't yanna kill ya but I gotta". The fight ensued very well and Trin kicked the living hell out of Mastir but he didn't kill him he just broke his hip, his ribs, and his jaw. Later the guys had a victory party for Trin.

"Ya done good kid" Li congratulated 

"Yeah real great" Germ commented 

"Great fight" Sasami greeted, everyone turned and stared, after about five minutes Li broke the silence 

"How'd you get the access codes" Li asked

"Tenchi gave them to me" Sasami answered 

"I see" Germ said, "Anyway what do ya want" 

"Trin promised to go shopping with me today" Sasami answered. The guys stared at Trin, who was cowering in the corner,

"You poor fuck" Li said solemnly

"Well get goin boy" Germ yelled, "go rock the casba" 

"Shut up Germ ya fag" Trin yelled just before leaving 

The bus ride to the mall was uncomfortable for Trin at best, for one some weird old ladies kept staring at him in a vulture like fashion. Sasami kept leaning on him as she pretended to be napping, when they finally got to the mall Trin was even more uncomfortable because their first stop was at a women's clothing store. So Trin just sat at a bench sipping on a coke and munching on a hot dog thinking about how he got into this mess.

"Hey Trin!" Sasami yelled "how do you like this skirt" Trin turned and glanced at Sasami who was wearing a plaid mini skirt, now Trin whom only liked Sasami as a brother would was now blushing.

"Well?" she asked raising an eyebrow 

"It's great, get it, lets go" Trin said returning to his bad mood,

"Oh no we got to stop at the pet store, get some sandals and get you some new clothes"

"Well Sasami I hate to burst your shopping bubble but I don't need new clothes" Trin shot, "Besides what's wrong with these clothes" Trin asked as he surveyed his black trench coat his baggy shirt and his baggy blue jeans.

"They're to dark lets get you some more colorful summery clothes," Sasami said as she dragged a pissed Trin to the guys' store.

"Only dweebs and hippies shop at these stores" Trin whined

"Trin don't start with me I'm not in the mood" Sasami shot in a stern tone

" The guys will call me a hippie" Trin bitched as Sasami started handing him a tie-dye shirt, some khaki shorts and a Jamaican hat.

"Now go try them on" Sasami pleaded Trin moped as he stormed off towards the dressing room. About five minutes later Trin came out of the dressing room wearing the clothes Sasami picked out for him 

"You look cute," Sasami said

"I look stupid" Trin said, "can we go now?"

"We still have to get some shoes for me and you"

Meanwhile back at the Masaki house Li was doing his best to entertain himself without starting a fight; Germ and Charlie were even more bored than Li. So they decided to go make some mischief so they set up a cockfight using ryo-ohki and Mr. Chubbikins 

"This is boring" Li said as he watched Mr. Chubbikins and ryo-ohki sleep, "lets go to the mall and see how Trin is doing"

"Okay" agreed Germ and Charlie.

When the guys got to the mall they didn't see Li until they saw Sasami who was dragging a strange kid in a tie-dye shirt and shorts towards a shoe store

"There he is" Li pointed 

"He is a poor fuck" Charlie stated

"More like a poor miserable fuck" Germ said as some kids Trin knew from school came up and started to talk to Sasami and Trin

"So is this your girlfriend" one girl asked Trin

"No" Trin answered miserably

"Of course you are Trin don't be silly" Sasami pressed

"Like I said no we are not dating," Trin said, 

"Hey Trin!" Germ yelled, "how's the shopping"

"Go away Germ" Sasami yelled 

"Please Germ save me, she's going to make me help pick out lingerie" Trin whispered 

"Well in that case I think I'll go get Li and we can go"

"Good" Sasami said "leave Germ" then she grabbed Trin by the leg and dragged him towards a Victoria's Secret 

"Save me" Trin yelled 

"So where's Trin" Li asked after he got an dilly bar at a Dairy Queen

"Over there," Germ pointed "at the Victoria's secret" 

"Ha!" Li laughed "I pity him, might as well go save the poor bastard". So Li snuck Trin out of the store without Sasami realizing it.   
"Gee, thanks guys I owe you one" Trin said on the car ride home

"I wonder how pissed Sasami will be when she finds out your missing" Germ said.

"Yeah I bet she's going to kick you in the nerts" Li said. Trin nervously forced a laugh he knew that's exactly what would happen. When the guys finally go home they rushed into the compound as fast as possible, just as they were getting comfortable they heard an ominous pounding on the door 

"LI! Open this door or I'll burn down the whole compound,

" Oh god no!" shouted Li "what would a crusty one legged sea captain do?"

"Bash her over the head with a big stick" Said the captain in Li's twisted little mind

Trin screams "SANCUTARY" and runs head long into a wall.

"Hey guys" Germ said looking at his watch "we have a gig in ten minutes."

"Yippee Skippy" Li said "now how are we going to escape" 

"I know!" Germ exclaimed and whispered something in Li's ear.

"That's a great idea! In fact that's just stupid enough to work" Li exclaimed, "hey Trin c'mere" 

"Yeah" Trin said as he walked up to Li, Li then whispered something into Trin's ear.

"No." Trin said flatly " No way in hell is that going happen" 

"All right Trin, if you don't me to tell the guys about your rubber pants incident then I suggest you do this" Li threatened.

"Do I have to use my tongue" Trin asked sadly, The guys then got into a huddle while Trin waited for the verdict,

"Yes" Said Charlie, 

"Damn it!" Trin screamed and quickly said, "lets get this over with."

The guys then walked out determinedly while a very angry 17-year-old Sasami stood ahead arms crossed and foot tapping, "I knew you boys would give in" Sasami glared

"Ha ha charade you are Sasami" Charlie said "Trin if you will" Trin slowly walked to Sasami and planted a huge kiss right on the lips, 

"Run!" Yelled Germ. The guys ran towards the van while a stunned Sasami sat down on a tree stump very confused

The Guys where about to open the door on the van when they were confronted by a very determined Ryoko.

"Hello guys" said Ryoko in the kind of tone that says I'm up to something

"Hello" said Li "what do you want" 

"I want you to take me on a date Li" Ryoko smirked

"No dice, sorry" Li said in a monotone voice

"All right then if you don't I'll tell all the girls that you took pictures of them in the shower and then sold them to every known porn mag for BEER MONEY!" Ryoko screamed at him 

"You wouldn't" exasperated a shocked Li

"Try me" Ryoko, said triumphantly. Li argued silently 

"Fine I'll pick you up after I do my gig," said a defeated Li

With that all said and done the guys quickly put all their stuff in the back of Li's van and drove off


End file.
